Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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