i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't deserve a penis
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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