Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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