i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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