you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
