if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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