Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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