i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Randomize
