woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
