i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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