Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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