I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
