Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize