Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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