I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize