you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
