I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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