Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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