bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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