i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
