thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
