I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
