this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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