Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
