Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
