You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
