that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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