The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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