dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
