i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
