That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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