are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
