You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
