Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
