margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
