when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
