Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
