seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm like, not good at living.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
