if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
