Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I am naked and annoyed.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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