my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Farmville is her only friend.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
