just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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