I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
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It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
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I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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