I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
