wakey wakey hands off snakey
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wanna passion pit in your ass
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
