He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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