Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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