i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
