this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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