I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
