hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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