I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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