Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
