OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!