Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(901): View more from Tennessee

Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.

Fav 21 1010 4868
share tweet
(914): View more from New York

How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?

Fav 27 1366 5545
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(678): View more from Georgia

My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU

Fav 76 6601 1170
share tweet
(720): View more from Colorado

Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.

Fav 37 8405 1017
share tweet
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
Read it at the TFLN blog
(770): View more from Georgia

separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.

Fav 36 6542 1046
share tweet
(850): View more from Florida

Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.

Fav 17 8353 1438
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(715): View more from Wisconsin

isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month

Fav 10 5905 1418
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(630): View more from Illinois

Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that

Fav 4 1894 908
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(714): View more from California

I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.

Fav 16 653 1820
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT