Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.