shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.