I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
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just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
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When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream