she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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