Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
