You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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