I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
