oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize
