I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
