Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
