Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
