god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
How external is "for external use only"?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
