I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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