I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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