thus making me awesome and them whores
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
