i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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