I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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